When I meet a new person and they ask what my book is about, it’s always an awkward moment. If I say it’s about why I joined a cult and married a stranger, I know that a good percentage of people will think I’m crazy and end the relationship right there. But honestly, the most difficult thing about it, besides feeling totally exposed, is feeling I didn’t do it well enough.
When I first left the cult, I was very cautious about doing things I enjoyed because I was afraid of sinning and ending up in eternal Hell. Later, I felt like I should challenge God by committing as many pleasurable sins as possible. This didn’t work out too well either. I’m still working on listening to my inner voice
I’d like to look beautiful and youthful, like a Hollywood style version of myself. But perhaps it’s more important for me to be honest and raw and open in a photograph. Being nude is provocative, isn’t it? You can wear nudity like a costume. My body and who I am were two separate things during the shoot. It’s not so much about who I am and who I project myself to be, but whether I’m open or closed. I like to think I’m open, but I’m still getting there.